Blog Post #2- Reflections from the first month or so at APEX

            Service Learning at APEX Youth Center has been a mixed bag so far.  First, there have been just unlucky practical reasons, mainly bad weather keeping kids away from the center during January.  Another reason, however, is that all the kids want to do most of the time is play video games.  That is understandable, I cannot judge because that is what I was most down to do when I was in middle school and early high school too, but for a volunteer, there is nothing to do but just watch them play video games.  My expectations were probably a little unfair to these kids, not because they all do not have homework to do or anything like that, but a lot of kids at the center are spending time there because they do not go to school at all. 

            I think that I assumed a lot of these kids came to APEX for help, but most of them are not looking for anything besides a place to socialize.  The kids I have been around the most are just there to hang out, nothing else.  I’ve been in more of a position to just listen rather than to interject myself into these kids’ lives.  There is a fine line between being in the background just listening and being available, and not being involved at all.  The space between the kids and the volunteers has surprised me, as I thought the kids would be more open to us.  I have had experience in the exact same neighborhood coaching basketball, but all the kids at the center come from different schools or homes so I think there is more of an air of distrust among the kids at the center.  As I have gained more experience at the center, some kids and I have grown closer and that has been nice, but for the most part, I am defiantly on the fringe of most of the kids’ perceptions. 

            I think there are two relatable topics to Shakespeare I have experienced.  First, just by listening, occasionally discussing, and on one occasion witnessing violence, I think my first SL Blog post was on point in looking for violence while working at APEX.  These kids are often discussing confrontations at school, and are quick to use the threat of violence on each other at the center.  All though these kids are not wielding weapons or anything, they seem accustomed to at a young age a fight or die mentality.  When talking to some of the kids how they can avoid violence at school, they sometimes seem put off by any suggestions I make and even escalate their language with me.  However, most of the kids who have been involved in violence are noticeably worn out by it, almost as if they do not even understand it, and seem interested in ways to avoid it.  The second Shakespearean theme my SL has made me think about is role reversal.  I am a white, employed, college student who lives a comfortable life while gaining an education from a private university.  All things considered, people normally look at me in a positive light without even getting to know me, while this “influence” and trust is given to me, even if I have not deserved it.  At APEX, I am the marginalized one as I am not someone in the eyes of a lot of kids to trust, I have do not have a lot of influence over what I want done at the center and I am the one who is trying to catch up and adjust to a way of life. 

Ultimately, APEX has been a humbling experience so far and although there is still some uneasiness between some of the kids and myself, I look to nourish relationships I have started going forward.  Also, I am about to start coaching basketball at the center too, which should be fun and a good chance to know some of the kids better.