Final Post

I said a bittersweet goodbye to the APEX center this Wednesday.  At first, I admit that part of me was glad that I would no longer have to venture into the neighborhood surrounding APEX and spend my Wednesday afternoons cooped up at a computer when I could be enjoying the spring sunshine.  But at the same time, I knew it was incredibly selfish for me to feel that way.  I also realized that I’m going to miss volunteering there. I had to think about why I would miss it.  I spent the majority of my time there doing office work, and who would miss that? But it isn’t the office work that I’m going to miss; it’s the community at APEX, as well as the ability of helping those in need. 

As I walked out of the triple locked door at APEX, I felt something other than relief: it was guilt.  I was reminded of the outside sources we looked at for our first cluster convo of the semester. I remembered one of the poem’s discussing how people come in and try to help like knights in shining armor and then they leave after they’ve fulfilled their need to give to others.  They leave the less fortunate people they were helping behind, convincing themselves that they’ve done all they can and then they move on without looking back.  I realized that I don’t know want to be like that.  It took volunteering at APEX to make me realize that volunteering a few times isn’t enough.  A true volunteer is someone who makes a commitment to help others throughout his or her life. It is my goal to be that person. 

Looking back at my first blog post, I discovered that most of my original ideas about volunteering at APEX have changed completely. I thought I’d be using my previous experience volunteering at a Boys and Girls Club to help me connect with the kids at the center.  Instead, I barely had any encounters with them other than typing their names and ages into data sheets.  I also expected to relate the violence at APEX to the violence in Shakespeare’s plays.  I thought I would get more specific with the theme of violence throughout each visit and each blog post.  But I learned that real life doesn’t always work that way. If I had written a paper about violence in Shakespeare, I would have easily been able to connect the two.  But I could not manipulate the results of my service learning, and learning that was part of the experience.  I had to accept that my connections between service learning and Shakespeare would change every time I went to the center. 

From cleaning out cabinets to typing in numbers, my work at APEX was not what I had expected.  However, it was a valuable experience that I’m glad I got the chance to have.  I still do not know the concrete connection between the center and Shakespeare, but I have some ideas. If I had to pick one it would be the differences in language, culture, and society that I witnessed while volunteering.  Shakespeare’s plays also demonstrate these differences in his wide range of characters.  Though we live in a much later era than Shakespeare, many of his themes still exist today. The language and culture of different societies in today's world, as well as in Shakespeare's plays, varies due to factors such as class and location. This is just one of many possible connections between Shakespeare and APEX. 

Post #3

My time volunteering at APEX center so far has made me, sometimes forced me, to think about things that aren’t necessarily easy to think about it.  Driving to the center every week has become a sort of ritual, just like going to class or work.  But at the same time, I’m still not completely comfortable with it.  I still automatically hold my breath on the drive there, and look around me warily as I get out or into my car.  As many times as I go to the center, I have to remind myself that it’s not getting any safer.  In turn, the center reminds me that I can do my part to help those who are being affected by the violent and unsafe environment that surrounds APEX.  It also reminds me to be grateful for the privileges in life that I often take for granted like attending college or getting support from my parents. 

            I’ve encountered a few moments while volunteering at APEX where people question who I am or what I’m doing there.  I’ve had to explain, or had the employers explain, that I’m a volunteer from Loyola who comes once a week to help. The former head volunteer at APEX once asked why I was volunteering there and for what class. When I said it was for my Shakespeare class, she looked at me in surprise and asked, “Really, why?” Initially, I didn’t know how to respond, but I ended up telling her that we were supposed to relate real world situations to Shakespeare.  She just smiled and said, “Oh, that’s interesting.”  For her, working at APEX was a huge part of her life.  She was there six days a week.  (She just had to resign because the government stopped paying for her to work there) I was just another volunteer who needed hours for a class, and who would move on from the center. 

Sometimes I worry that I’m not helping since I spend most of my time there behind a computer.  But during our cluster conversations this week, someone in my group said something that gave me much needed encouragement.  He said that whether you’re doing data work at a desk or interacting with the children, both jobs are equally as important.  I have to remind myself that without the office work, the center would not be able to run successfully.  It also helps when I see or hear about the great work that goes on in the center.

I recently met a young man who represents one of the center’s success stories.  He was in danger of being pulled into a negative lifestyle, but because of his time at APEX was able to get out and create a new life for himself.  I watched the pastor (who runs the center with his wife) proudly tell me and another volunteer how this man had come back to volunteer at the shelter in order to give back to the community that had helped him.  This moment showed me how the hard work that goes in the center pays off. 

This moment also reminded me of the article we read for class about the kids in Syria who put on a Shakespeare play. I thought about how preparing for the play must have gotten the children’s’ minds off of the bad things in their life, given them hope for the future, and also educated them at the same time.  This is similar to what goes on at APEX.  The children come to get away from the bad things in their surroundings and are given hope for a successful, violent-free life, all while in an educational and safe environment.  

Post 2

My experience volunteering at APEX Youth Center so far hasn’t exactly been what I was expecting. I’ve had some trouble finding times to volunteer with the kids.  They only come to the center after school, and I have class during almost all of those times. It was disappointing to realize I couldn’t interact with the kids, and I’m in the process of trying to switch times with another volunteer.  Meanwhile, I’ve been coming to the center before the kids arrive to help with office work. Since I’m not actually interacting with the kids yet, it’s hard to feel like I’m accomplishing anything, but I have to remind myself that doing office work is still a form of helping.

I’ve been entering data into the computer the last few weeks at APEX.  I sit at a desk, going through pages and pages of sign in sheets.  I plug in the number of girls and boys that came each day, as well as their ages.  Our cluster convo the other day got me thinking on the topic of language.  I haven’t come in contact with the kids’ language yet, but I do read their names.  I had to continuously ask the volunteer head if the kids’ names belonged to girls or boys.  Often, she had to correct my pronunciation of their names, and then I would correct myself.  It was a little embarrassing to keep saying the names wrong.    I hadn’t seen or heard the majority of these names before, and it was a learning experience to add them into my vocabulary.

Despite the fact that I enter and exit the center before it gets dark out, I still don’t feel completely confortable on the drive there and when I get in and out of my car.  It’s become a habit to lock my car as soon as I turn off Claiborne and into the neighborhood surrounding APEX. It makes sense that the center itself has passcode locks on all of its doors.  I have to knock on the door every time I come for someone to let me in.  The signs outside the door and when you walk in give warnings like: NO WEAPONS and NO DRUGS. It’s not a warm atmosphere, despite the fact that its purpose is to be a safe haven for the kids from the violent world outside of it.  It has an almost clinical feel to it. As I sat at the computer this week, I kept getting déjà vu; it smelled a lot like a hospital or doctor’s office.

I was originally planning to focus my attention on the violence in and around the center, but because I haven’t had a chance to really be there with the kids yet, I don’t have much more insight on this issue.  All I can say is that the neighborhood is definitely not safe and that most of these kids live in a threatening environment.  The volunteer head has talked to me a little about their upbringings, but besides that, I don’t really know what they’re dealing with.  Personally, I’ve felt a little uncomfortable when leaving the shelter.  The teenagers waiting for the door to open were not happy or friendly.  One glared at me when I left.  From the poetry we read for the cluster convos, I can see where the hostility is coming from. 

Truthfully, I’ve become more confused about where to focus my service learning and how to relate it to Shakespeare. But, in the following months, I hope to figure this out.

Service Learning

         I've volunteered a few times since I've been in New Orleans.  The most frequent place where I've volunteered has been an animal shelter called ARNO.  I thought it would be an easy job since I love animals. Instead, it ended up being difficult to see so many dogs and cats that had been mistreated and were now emotionally or physically injured.  It was hard to see the effects of animal abuse, but at the same time it was rewarding to be able to help them.  Through my sorority, I’ve also volunteered with a program called Girls on the Run.  This program—which consists of after school groups and races—teaches young girls how to believe in themselves.  It’s inspirational to see these young girls grow, be healthy, and have fun while in a comfortable and safe atmosphere. 

            I haven’t gotten the chance to volunteer this semester because of my busy schedule so the service learning option encouraged me to carve out some time in my week to volunteer.  I chose to volunteer at APEX Youth Center.  I decided on this one because it reminded me of the Boys and Girls Club where I used to volunteer in high school.  It was always a great experience to help out young people.  Because of the “snow” days, I haven’t volunteered there yet, but I did have my orientation last week.  Admittedly, it was a little scary driving around looking for the APEX center despite the fact that I went during the day. It’s located in a not so great area of town that I’m not very familiar with.  However, I felt safe once inside the center.  I think that’s the main importance of the APEX center; it shields preteens and teens from the dangers of the surrounding neighborhoods. 

            During orientation, we went over a few safety rules.  These included the codes of emergency. One code showed what to do if we hear gunshots and the next, more serious, code showed what to do if there is a suspicious person in or close to the center.  It was kind of a wake up call to learn that even in this safe haven of a center the kids are not always safe.  The woman in charge explained that police officers have had to come in to pat down or question the kids when there is a suspicious activity going on near the center.  We also learned how to hold down a kid if he or she is hurting another kid.  One volunteer explained that the boys at the center sometimes get in physical fights.  Her main suggestion on the prevention of this was to keep things as peaceful as possible.  She told us how her goal to was to prevent the kids from getting violent whenever she could.

            I’m not sure exactly how working with this center will relate to Shakespeare, but I’m curious to find out.  From the last plays we’ve read, I started thinking that maybe the violence experienced in and around the center would connect to the violence that occurs in some of the plays.  A lot of Shakespeare seems to show the effects of not only physical violence, but also emotional violence.  From my experience at orientation, I’m thinking the two might connect.